sooo my bestie is locked up, soo now im stuck with annoyin, fake ass friends. i mean theyre not fake, they put up with all my shit since i was 7.  but its like they are never there for me, nd im soo fuckin tired of being there for them!! its like im willing to do soo much for everybody and theyre never willing to do anythin for me!! like im always willing to come over there house, walk a 20 minute walk all the way to there house.  buthe bart they are never willing to go to me. im always willing to go to the movies with them, the mall , go chill with their friends, what ever. but never that for me! like i always ask them if they wanna chill with me and my friends, or if they wanna go to the mall, the movies, the bar like anything and they never wanna do shit, only what they wanna do, im soo tired of this shit like what did i ever do to deserve this shit from anybody??? like for jerry i do everythin and im always willing to do shit for other people but no one ever does anythin for me, ugh like im soo unappreciated by everyone!!!!

- here is advice to all my readers going through the same thing or similar.

LOve yourself and respect yourself, because no body else will if you dont. you can only do so much for somebody, until its time to let go. if somebody just doesnt appreciate you or respect you, then they dont deserve you! have some respect for yourself and get yourself out of that situation! you gotta love you and do whats best for you! even if it hurts, or its going to be hard, you need to do it eventually, your maybe not be happy at the moment, but you'll get there, it just takes time. but just know that it doesnt matter what people think, you are a great individual in your own way and if the person doesnt realize that or see that, then they just wont ever appreciate/respect you, and thats when you go and find somebody who will.

hey xanga! what is up, this is Mari comin at you live! i started this blog to just speak my mind, get somethings off my chest and be real. i'm going to discuss real issues, that most people deal with and of-course the rare once people cant ever seem to find anyone to relate to! so stick around and always check the blogs for something new!

okay, well to start off I'm seventeen living in bum ass philadelphia. i've tried to escape but it seems like i always come back to where i am. well to catch you up to speed, my bestie beba is in jail =[ , i have no true friends, well atleast it feels that way, no one to truly ride or die or be by my side. so i sit alone. i'm living with my mother and her boyfriend, she is constantly up is has and on his pipe, for her fear to be alone has gotten to her head. my fucked up dad who is never here for me, lives in brooklyn. and my baby sister, who is 7 and from my dad side, so that makes her my half sister, which is my greater half, i love her to death but unfortunately never get to see her. she lives in huntington valley right next to philadelphia, it is the true suburbs, filled with your usual snobby, rich ass people. the person that was there for me, for a while was my uncle. but now he is too busy for me and i never hear or see him, he also works and lives in brooklyn with my father. so thats a little backround to what you need to know. i ofcourse left out alot, most of everythin, i just dont feel like dwelling on the past or even speaking about it. most of it is bound to come out as i write more and more.

im not really sure if people will actually read this. same goes for my writting it just seems like people these days are lazy and what i have written so far is way to much for anybody to read. but i cant complain i have become a lazy bum myself. i dropped out of highschool in the middle of 11th grade. i know what a dumbass. i quit/got fired from a good paying but time waisting job down town on, southstreet. so lately i just been chillin, relaxin, and goofin off with my friends. smokin weed (mostly), drinkin (at bars) and just dancing and loving life. but things suddenly calmed down and now im sitting home alone. i was about to move to puerto rico but there was complications, because the guy who bought the tickets under his name is on probation and they have been suspended, sooo i could not go. but its allright nothin ever works out. especially what im about to tell you. okay soo i dont like white boys or black boys, no offense its just im mainly attracted to spenish guys and girls (im bisexual by the way =] lol). soo i had crush you can say on this boy since i was in 9th grade with him, i would see him around the halls and sometimes in class, 9th, 10th and 11th grade. i never really said nothin to him. i mean i know im attractive and i know guys and girls like me and i like them. i just for some reason was too shy and i thought he wouldnt like me. but one day i was around the way and i seen him, we started talkin and that led us to chillin and hookin up, finally havin sex. he was mine and i was his. but turns out he is an asshole and a half and for some reason im still here puttin up with his shit. this past month was hell. great for a moment but hell. my bestie got locked up a couple days we were supposed to move to puerto rico. and the most horrible part is i got with my crush, his name is jerry. wow what can i say about him. he is a lier, a fraud, an ass! he does not know how to treat a lady/ a women/ anybody!!! he constantly takes me and my presence for granted, thinkin i will always stick around, and never leave. maybe thats what i made it seem like, when he calls i always come, what he says goes! what am i doin how can i let him control me under the conditions im dealing with! he lied to me about him being a virgin! he lied about the bitches name tattooed right above his fuckin dick! how fuckin naive and gullible can i be to believe and trust him! i even spoke to his ex face to face and she told me they was talkin while me and him was going out or what ever you wanna call it, because im all around confused! and speakin of his ex! that bitch got nothin on me! like for real this is not out of hatred for her or what ever! but i know i look way better and put it down better! like what the fuck is he thinkin, why he continusly take me for granted, im the best fuckin thing that ever happened to him! i put up with all his shit! he calls i come, he wants sex i fuck him! like what the fuck! and im a rider!!! are you fuckin kidding me????? but yeah besides everythin i said, he also on top of all that treats me like shit! always sayin shit like "go fuck my friend and blaze blaze blaze blah!" like are you kidding me? how can you say that to your girl!!! obviously he dont respect me!!! when i see him or we part he never automatically gives me a kiss and a hug he just says bye!!!! he never puts his arm around me or caresses me or nothin!!!! also he always be talkin bout how he need pussy, and is going to fuck random bitches and get bitches and all this shit!!! like he is horrible i cant fuckin stand him! he never wants to spend time with me or even cares how i am doing, not to forget to mention but im fuckin pregnant by him! and he dont even fuckin care about me!!! most of the time he either ignores my calls or tetxs or just doesnt hit me up at all unless he wants somethin! like pussy, or when he wants to see me, when its convenient for him! why am i still with him???? oh god...why? maybe im afraid of being alone, that no one will ever want me with a kid! lately i just been feelin like a fuck up! no job, no education, no real man, a kid on the way, and soon im gettin kicked out my house! what am i supposed to do! im workin on it though! im gettin my G.E.D when i turn 18 (june 1st) and im tryin to look for a job! but i just found out im pregnant im hopin to go next week to see what up! i just have no more words for my situation, i just wanna why he act like that. i cooked for him i cleaned, i put it downm im giving him a child! and all he can say is i be trippina nd drawlin all the time! i just cant do this. all i gotta say is "if you dont want me then dont talk to me, go head and free yourself, go head to someone else!" - Fantasia |free yourself|